If someone made a video of all of my “expectation vs. reality moments”, I’m sure I would be as famous as the Kardashians and never have to finish my degree or get a real job. It’s extremely comical the way that my mind works- stitching together these ridiculous plots and what I “expect” will happen in the next scene of my life. I take forever to do my hair, just to step outside and have my curls wrecked by the rain. I make sure my eyeliner is perfect, just to have “that person” not be in class. And even if they had, they probably wouldn’t have noticed. But my mind threw together some Cinderella plot (the kind where I get engaged before chapel), so I went the extra miles to try to help God work all of it out.
A long-time friend of drama, these past two quiet months have shaken me up more than my normal bae-filled life ever has (well, I’ve had some crazy boyfriend moments which may take the cake). I’ve pretty much have been steadily in relationships since 8th grade, and this phase is… uncomfortable. I’ve been faced with the ugly truth that I, in fact, crave attention.
Okay I know you all definitely knew that but HEY, let me slowly accept the truth J. But even when the attention comes (it has a couple of times), it doesn’t leave me happy- just wanting more. And the romantic side of this Christmas season doesn’t do much to help these feelings, either. Is it bad that I want someone that I can spend money on? My friends have benefited from my love of buying gifts, but I’m pretty sure I ordered all of Colourpop.
There isn’t much of a resolution to this post- but I knew that I needed to write to take a breather from my finals, and Temperance is my baby- I missed it.
There are definitely a few perks of being single that I have enjoyed:
As much as I definitely want to find a hunky man and get married and have a bunch of big-cheeked babies, I am really enjoying being single. Seriously. It has made me brave. And the thought of moving out west by myself, finding an awesome church to get plugged into, having an apartment to myself and maybe a dog (recovering cat-aholic) and being flexible sounds like a pretty sweet plan right now.
But if I’ve learned anything in these 21 years, expectation doesn’t equal reality. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.